Archive | December 2011

I WILL NOT BEAT MYSELF UP…. I WILL *NOT* BEAT MYSELF UP!

12/6/11

12 pm

Ici… (tada!)

My fr-omlette:

a FrittadaOmeletThingie.

Breakfast.

Huh.

It’s NOON & my mind ticks off the many things 2 do today.

 

I have songs 2 sing, bills 2 pay & many calories 2 burn b4 I sleep.

 

Making eggs? Took one hour.

 

-How do people *do* this?

 

Ach.

 

I’m stressed & full of self-judgment.

-Little Voices in my head, lobbying FOR me 2 believe that I cannot find my way back 2 a “Real Life.”

 

(But, I mean, really? How much more “real” can life get than *brain surgery?*)

 

It’s cruel 2 be cruel 2 oneself & yet:

Witness me, fighting myself.

-And witness me, fighting back.

 

(It gets kind of confusing in here, really.)

 

“Bee vs. Bee:

THE MOYAMOYA SMACKDOWN.”

 

Man.

My mind is louder than a cage full of monkeys.

…All fighting over the same banana.

 

…I better go eat the damn thing (my “Fr-Omelet”, not a banana), b4 I end up with the added indignity of *cold* egg on my face.

 

That’d be *just* spectacular.

XOX

Bee

CAFFEINE

12/1/11

10:45 AM

“CAFFEINE”

 

I shouldn’t have slept in till 8 AM.

Even if I can’t see outta my right eye-headache. Even if I only got 4 hours of sleep.

 

I have a MD appt.

This is a day of firsts. (Ted almost always took me 2 my appts b4.)

Okay.

I’m starting 2 get rushy.

I’m pushing it timewise.

(Gotta leave @ 1:30)

 

But, but …I HAVE 2 *bike*!

Other 2 do’s:

Make Bed, put kettle on, call Geri, eat, pay cell bill & c. Card, check messages & emails, prep lunch bag, shower, dress, put Benny’s sweater on, book Groomer 4 Fri.

 

All in about …2 hrs.

 

Oh. & call MOM BACK. (that could eat up an hour -gotta wait.)

 

-Family.

Oh.

Gotta call my Sis-in-law re Holiday plans.

…Call Rob M. re Fund, Book Dentist 4 Thurs, call Vet, lamp repair shop, email Kelly re Continental, EMAIL SOS 4 referral 2 Gift Of Sight. Skype Lily. Email Fave Cousin mp3s 4 her surgery prep.

 

O.

M.

G.

 

Tears are pouring down my face. PAIN.

 

I’m insane.

 

-Maybe I should aim for Decaf, instead of Chai.

 

(-ya think?!?)

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