“LAUGHING ON THE INSIDE”
9 July, 2012
I was thinking, having just absorbed the contents of my earlier appointment with my pain management MD, of the character, Mr. Mackie, from SouthPark:
“Don’t Do Drugs …. M’kay???”
I’ll get right on that. (or off that, as the case may be)
I’m laughing (inside*). My tummy hurts now, I’ve laughed so hard.
Aaaahhhhhh…. that’s funny.
I’m sorry. Ahem.
It’s medication, people. Medication.
Stuff that make-a-ya-pain-no-so-bad. (Or not.)
Chemicals that make-a-ya-brain-no-so-bad.
Or, as my Mom and I have joked, for many long years:
“Better Living Thru Chemicals.”
Or, as I like to say, when I really break it down:
“Good Times. ….Good Times.”
I went to see Dr. Barad today. She’s my pain management specialist/Neurologist at Stanford, or “Steinford,” as I like to call it (that is a pun, guys. really. Get it? Dr. Steinberg? Stanford? Oy.)
I have not the energy to say much tonight, but I will keep this ” theme” in mind for a future Blog because there have been far too many chemicals involved in the treatment and management of this disease and some of the secondary diagnoses which have required drug intervention, as well.
Some of the stories are fall down funny, heartbreaking, blunt, stark …. and all …in the name of medicine.
I am about to undergo a new series of medications for a three month trial, a gnarly set of them, which we hope to use in both a “prophalactic” and an “abortive” manner (hey – I don’t make this shit up).
That means I will try taking a few new treatments (such a mild, polite word) every day with the hope that the “prophalactic” chemicals will:
a.) build up in my body
b,) do so without making me crazy (it’s a short trip, and we all know it)
d.) most of the time
so that I can use the “abortive” chemicals
a.) less of the time
b.) but will have success with them when I DO use them because they are, well, stronger, and more agressive.
If, at the 3 month mark, I’m not starkers (and in this context, I mean, like, raving mad), then we’ll stop the meds and hope we’ve broken the “pain cycle.”
We move on to Plan B: (B is for “Butt” – as in, “if that drug cocktail didn’t work, this one sure will …. kick mine”)
Plan B involves more agressive chemicals across the board.
I hope we don’t have to go there. I am WAY too sensitive to chemicals.
No joke: you can spray some “Windex” on a rag two blocks away, and I’ll break out in Hives.
Wipe down the sink with a little “Lysol” and I will go anaphlactic on yo’ ass.
(Then, I WILL send you the bill for having to replace my rescue inhaler. It’s hella expensive! Like $95 for 40 metered inhalations…..)
I take Benadryl and have to be WHEELED out of the hospital.
You give me a sliver of a sliver of Xanax?
I’m ……gonna dance on your dinner table.
For these and so many other reasons, the most serious of which is the fact that I cannot continue to live in this extraordinary pain – OMG I really CANNOT DO IT – I pray to GOD, Buddah, Mohammed, the several cool statues outside, and the Holy Spirit that I DON’T have to go there.
(I’d also like to have a bebe, sometime in this lifetime, and that is gonna mean being drug free. Oh -and probably, my MoyaMoya will have to be stable, too. A girl can dream….)
Either way, I will be following up with Dr. Barad — and Dr. Steinberg — at STEINFORD — in SIX MONTHS. Six. I’ve got six months to break-a-the-pain cycle –and to prepare for another arsenal of invasive tests, scans, and microsurgeries …to watch My MoyaMoya. (And raise the money ….again ….. to get my ever-shrinking yet still bootylicious arse back to the Bay. Area.)
Stick with me, Guys. Things are slowly getting better. I have hope.
Speaking of …. in summary, what have we learned, everybody?
Say it with me:
“No More Pain.”
“Break The Cycle.”
“MoyaMoya, stable? GOOD. Moyamoya progression? BAD.”
See? That wasn’t so hard.
You guys are all experts at this by now.
It’s all really ….Good Times? Right?
And ….all in the name of Medicine.
Thanks for your continued love, your support, your heartening words, and for just being part of this journey.
(And Don’t Do DRUGS …. M’Kay?)
PS: THANK YOU TO TODAY’S DONORS! David Laniel and Soolin Withrow. You Guys ROCK. Thank you thank you thank you!
PPS: *(“laughing on the inside” – Yes, Matt Bunting, that was a reference to you. Remember when???)