9:53 PM PST
“The FRIDGE DID IT!!!”
This fridge SUCKS: THE WHOLE 2ND SHELF ON THE DOOR JUST COLLAPSED AND CONDIMENTS FLEW EVERYWHERE.
LIKE, CRASH SNAP BOOM POW ~OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW….
There goeth my Asian Sesame dressing, empty.
Goddess dressing, possibly finito.
….That’s like $15 in dressing.
(I nvr thought I’d worry about the cost of Grey Poupon, people, really. ….what a turn my Glam Life has taken.)
But we adapt. Adaptation?
It is nature’s Valium.
(I’ll have a side of Xanax with that, please….)
Thank God for hand me downs and extended warranties.
I have such a bloody dysfunctional fridge. This is a hand me hand him hand her hand his stepsister’s cousin’s best friend’s gay roomate from college’s fridge.
Talk about a hand job. NO! Head. OUT OF GUTTERS, I kid u not! It’s the hand-me down equivalent of a mind fuck…ok. that came out wrong too! Crikey….it’s like ………a fridge that seems to have stepped out of a scene from “Hogwarts.”
Or maybe from the Brothers Weasley and their Magic Shoppe: The Fridge That Dances at Night. Or spews GREEN SLIME When u open the door.
~Idk. I’m bloody tired.
The fact is, it’s a mess, there’s no room, and it ….pees.
(God, think, all the times I blamed Benny for accidents he didn’t make: JEWISH GUILT! JEWISH GUILT ATTACK!!)
I mean, what would u believe? A 137 year old Bichon Frise with ….continence issues? Who happened to station himself right in THAT area of the kitchen???
~Or a stationary piece of hardware?
~”THE FRIDGE DID IT!!!”
Speaking of my beloved Boy?
….. I’m wearing Benny’s ashes in a lovely pendant round my neck. ….Into my cleavage, haha. Actually, closest to my heart.
Yes, I feel a little like Angelina and Billy Bob (they used 2 carry each other’s blood in vials on matching necklaces when married ………creeeeeepy much?????)
~but hey: his soft beautiful hair wouldn’t FIT into the darn thing. And frankly? Drew Barrymore once said if she predeceased her pooch, she wanted her Cremains sprinkled onto her dog’s Alpo, so she’d “always be with him.”
(That’s just WRONG ………I’m thinking about once Rover there uh, processed his food? YUMMY!)
So sod it.
I’m shameless anyway: I loved that dog and this brings me comfort…
I wept 3x today. I threw away his big pink Piggie toy that went “Sqwonk” when you squeeze it. And his cow hoof. And his yellow duckie. And a weird blobbie toy that sounded like it farted when he squeaked it. (Thanks for the toys, Dad: u gave him the BEST CHRISTMASES EVER!!!)
So I threw a few balls of cotton, string and memory away….
Or at least, not the memories.
-I can only change the life we had together in tiny doses.
I cannot keep this process straight: grief is so chaotic.
I actually LOOKED at the peeing fridge & started weeping.
After all that mess….
The power of love is a funny thing.
The weeping was easily explained to the kiddos. ~who looked worried to see me bawling again ~ when I was able to blame it on the broken shelf.
~The 3rd shelf already snapped off. So we LITERALLY HAVE SHRINKING SPACE IN THERE!
(AGAIN, HP THEMES R SCREAMING AT ME! HARRY POTTER!)
Of all the things I’m having to slowly let go of, to change?
I think i’d be weeping tears of JOY 4 a change, if I got the opportunity to toss that DANG FRIDGE OUT OF MY 2ND STORY WINDOW!
The fridge is ……I feel so ungrateful ………well, SHITE.
It leaKs water daily.
The crispers threaten to spoil beautiful fresh produce:
What’s A girl 2 do?
~Charge a French Door stainless steel number?
Oh god …………I think I just had a little death…. household appliances = porn 4 chicks.
What do I do?
~Open another line of credit?
I think I’m all tapped out.
(Did I mentio RENT’s due tomorrow???)
Hey! MAYBE I’ll GET ONE FOR MY BIRTHDAY!
(It could happen. Along with the Laptop I so desperately need (I WRITE my blogs ON MY ANDROID PHONE, GUYS).
It could happen.
That, along with my Million Dollars & a Pony.