Archive | July 2013

TO CUT or NOT TO CUT?

To Cut Or Not To Cut? That IS the Question…
15 July, 2013

All the best intentions in the world get us nowhere if they never evolve into action.

-Oh, I could go a hundred gazillion ways with that introduction.

I could tell you about the multitude of vlogs (that’s video blogging, aka, The Dancing Monkey, “live”) I have shot over the past two weeks alone, and how I composed short “introductions” to each one in my own words, describing the content. I would also have to tell you that my photos -also taken very recently- have real pizzaz. They tell a story, too. But are they up here? Did I get them to you in “real time”?
No.

Nevermind the fact that I’ve spent several hours trying to get them OFF of my tablet and ‘postable.’ Nevermind the fact that I actually took the time to prepare all of them to post immediately after shooting them. Where are they? 

 

Stuck. 

So … I have that problem to contend with. This would be made easier if I had a solid wifi connection here at the hotel-motel, but I don’t and I just don’t have the energy to go sit at a Starbucks or whatevz to borrow broadband. I need help with this problem and it isn’t going to be resolved with an internet connection, anyway. I have data STUCK on a machine and I can’t get it off. (HELP, I’VE FALLEN AND I CAN’T GET UP!!!! sorry — couldn’t help that.) 

Everything just feels so HARD lately. I’m stuck in the proverbial mud. My thoughts run to: “It shouldn’t be this hard!!!”  It being life, in general. My thoughts run to sighs (yes, I sigh, and I whine, even to myself- I even indulge my inner “Eor” with a few too many woe-is-me’s).  

With the clock ticking down to MINUTES until I have to leave for my appointment, and a body full of chemicals from days of injections for CT Scans and pain treatments, I am both jittery and down. Not a fabulous combo. I think I’ve got a case of “Playing God.” I am certain Dr. Steinberg is going to tell me it’s not time to do my Right side yet – that it’s not yet time for the direct arterial bypass – and that I will be stuck for another six months in a waiting game. Or a waiting room. 

I want to apologize for my bluesy tone, but I know better. My friend Jules always says we are allowed to have days where we indulge ourselves in some “Poor Me” time. I just try not to blog when I’m feeling like this. (Do I?) 

I guess the bottom line is that I have to roll with it. Will he cut? Will he change me? Will I get better? To Cut or Not To Cut – this is SO not about hair… (or for you tweemos out there, don’t even **think** about cutting – just — don’t.) 

I gotta say — I never thought I’d be wishing to get my head opened. For serious… Am I nuts? (Don’t answer that.) Okay. Well no matter the outcome, I have a bigger game plan, options for different possible scenarios that will result from my meeting with the big guy, but that has to wait for another day. For now, it’s enough that I got this out to you guys. On Time. 

For Once. 

-Yay, me? 

Sooooo….I’ll be back soon with a big update, I guess. And lotsa stuff from a day, or two, or three ago. Time to leave. Hope I’m on time. I’m sure Donald willl get me there. He’s good like that. Wish me Luck! 

xox

Bee

PS: Did I mention that I am up at Stanford Medical Center in Palo Alto? Yeah…