What causes pain? Are there any triggers? What comes to mind?
Keep a diary for a day of whatever words come into your stream-of-consciousness.
My doctor told me to write this down. Here goes….
FLARES, TRIGGERS & WHY: A LITTLE LIFE MUSIC
–LIFE ON LIFE’s TERMS.
Cleaning. Messes. Chores. Lists. Loans.
Dust. Lust. Products. Perfume. Amazon.
Broken stuff. Wish lists. Bracelets.
Diamonds. Money. Fear.
Stepping towards success (again).
8 years of catch up to do.
Financial aid applications.
Appointments. Ointments. Meds.
The song on the radio that I cant get out of my head.
All of Me.
Kids’ therapy. Couples’ therapy. Pre-marital counseling.
Apologies. Explanations. Listening.
Skin on fire.
The latest NBT.
Being a hater.
Writing a song.
Not writing a song.
An unfinished song.
SINGING THE SONG.
(in full voice!)
Playing guitar. NOT playing guitar —
Lovely Legs. Dancing.
Walking without tripping.
Sipping water. More water. Water. Water. REALLY? Water. Lemon. Raspberry. Just drink.
Surfing the web.
Checking my balance.
My storage unit.
Tweeting. Instagramming. Facebooking. Blogging.
Not blogging (even tho I’ve written the blogs.)
“Crazy” relatives. Death.
Memory. Stress. Fatigue. Pain.
Emotions… Conversations. Long phone calls.
Nagging (self and others). Friendships (to maintain, reignite and DISCOVER…)
Bills bills bills.
From six figures to FOUR figures.
DYSFUNCTIONAL BRAIN WAVES.
Volunteering. Mentoring. Jane Espenson. Writing. Writing. Writing.
Plants. Sleep. Snacks. Cooking.
Hunger. Thirst. T(w)eens. Bickering,
Sass talk. Grades. Clothes. I want I need I want I need —–
Stuff stuff stuff.
The hobo across the street.
Books. Magazines. Messages. Phones. Ringing. Waiting. Email.
Love. Sex. Broken beds. Meds. Money. Dishes.
Fear. Living in the past. Living in the future. Wants. Needs. Cans. Cant’s. Isolation. Stimulation – Information overload.
Gmail. Email. Ads. Deals. Holidays. Birthdays. Events. Reminders. Cell phones. Computers. Tablets. Wants. Needs. Oooh’s and Aaaah’s.
Too much tech.
Dust. Dirt. Curtains. Bubblebaths. Pain. Tech.
Weight Watchers. Points. Yoga. Salad.
Thank you notes. To Do’s.
Need. Guilt. Sadness. Pain.
People calling. People NOT calling.
Rehab Rehab Rehab.
Ryan. Kyrsten. Need.
Cathy. Jules. Erika. Courtney (WHY?!)
Ron, Rick, Richard…
Sivani… Sivani Lani Laner Bee…
Distance. Time zones.
Ads. Wars. News. Worry.
Beaches. Sunscreen. Skin.
Heat waves. Cold snaps.
Rain. Longing. Laughter.
Alerts. Email. Family. Friends.
Websites. Education. Information. Trials and Tribulations.
Moyamoya. Then. Now.
Bills. Collections. Fundraising. Embarrassment.
Kids. Worry. Sleep.
Singing. Stages. Pages. Wages.
Riding Horses. Pictures.
Unread emails. Unread texts. Unsent messages. Neglect.
Old friends. Connections. Emotions. Errands. Gasoline. Car washes. Beauty shops. Fast Food.
Palm trees. Sunsets. Sun Sun Sun Sun Sun Sun.
Colors. Art. Therapy. Talking. Walking. Thinking. Drinking (water). Aspirin.
Girls. Girls. Girls.
Appointments to make.
Neuro. ETC ETC ETC….
More More More.
Pounds. Fat. Muscle Tone.
Shopping. Malls. Makeup. Mail. Kids.
Laughter. Games. Growing pains.
School supplies and uniforms.
Glasses and classes.
Pens and Paper. Trees. Worry. Books.
Stretch marks. Frown lines.
— That thing that looked a lot like a not-brown hair.
My teeth. My eyes. My skin.
My hair. (Keep it here, ditch it there….)
Art on the walls.
Broken promises and broken chairs.
A set of brass balls.
Hormones. Meds. Noise. Texts. Alarms.
Temperature changes. Phone calls. To do’s.
Exercise. Guilt. Grace. Food.
Food, Food. Planning. Frustration. Blessings.
TV. Radio. News. Therapy.
The smell of hospital sheets.
Needles. Vials. Tubes. Wiles.
Latitude. Space. Sharing.
Life. Death. Blah fricking Blah Blah Blah…
I should be –
I could be –
I WILL BE-
I used to.
I have to.